The House from Hell
by FlamingRedFox
Summary: Inuyasha and the gang get trapped inside a strange old house. The only way to escape is to solve the riddles, defeat the monsters, do what their not so nice hosts want, and not kill their new allies… who happen to be their greatest enemies. Will they ev
1. Arriving

**The House from Hell**

**Chapter 1. Arriving**

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**FRF:** I was working on a different fic and this popped into my head. I liked this idea soooooo much better so you get to sit through this little, twisted fic.

**Nikki:** Clarify twisted.

**Spirit:** What do you mean Nikki?

**Nikki:** I mean… does she mean twisted as in weird… or… twisted as in just plain wrong?

**Spirit and FRF: **NIKKI!

**Spirit:** I think 'you're' wrong Nikki.

**FRF:** I 'meant' WEIRD!!! 

**Spirit:** Have you been hanging out with Miroku?

**Nikki: **Hell no! He's more twisted than a twister!

**Spirit:** Good point.

**FRF: **I don't really get why Sango likes him… but they do make a cute couple. I'd say best, but that's just my opinion and I don't want to piss anyone off…'yet.' This 'is' only the firs author's note after all.

**Nikki:** Can we get to the fic already? I'm getting extremely bored.

**Spirit:** Okey dokey!

**FRF:** First the disclaimer. I dun own no Inu-hanyous, youkai taijiyas, houshis, mikos, kitsunes, neko-youkais, and whatever else appears in the Inuyasha series. I most definitely don't own Martha Stewart Living, and I don't know why I'd want to. I also don't own Entertainment Weekly, though I do have a few issues. I DO own, however, this story line, Nikki, and Spirit… hopefully.

**Nikki:** I really wish you didn't own me.

**FRF: **Too bad. ENJOY! Oh, and Nikki, Spirit?

**Nikki and Spirit:** (Looking very nervous) Yes?

**FRF: **You'll get to participate… as the dead maid and the cook.

**Spirit:** I don't like the sound of this.

**Nikki:** Me neither. I can't cook! Last time I tried, I kinda… caused a whole village's inhabitants to turn into ladybugs.

**FRF:** That's why you'd make a perfect cook! It 'is' a hell-house, is it not?

**Spirit:** True.

**FRF: **Never-mind. Enjoy the fic! (Under breath) I hope nobody minds if I kill Jaken.

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**Summery!**

Inuyasha and the gang get trapped inside a strange old house. The only way to escape is to solve the riddles, defeat the monsters, and not kill their new allies… who happen to be their greatest enemies. Will they ever get out?

This story has a cannon setting. It's a horror/comedy and Naraku isNOT the main villain. He kinda gets stuck in the house too. Most major characters are included. That means Inuyasha, Kagome, Sango, Miroku, Shippo, Kirara, Sesshomaru, Rin, Jaken, Naraku, Kagura, Kanna, Kouga, Ginta, Hakkaku, and Kikyou are all going to be trapped in the house and tortured until they escape. Oh, beware of some slight bashing.

Nikki and Spirit are MY characters. They are also the two creatures, besides me, who appear in the author's notes. Nikki is 1/3 fox demon, 1/3 fire elemental, and 1/3 human. Though normally 14, in this she is 25 years old. Her human part is psychic, allowing her to read minds, float things in midair, and even foresee the future, along with all the other psychic stuff. She has two cute, little, fox ears, similar to Inuyasha's dog ones, and a foxtail, which is similar to Kouga's wolf tail. Her waist-long brown hair is always up in a ponytail and her eyes are a reddish-brown. She can also teleport between different areas and times, hence the odd house decorations. Spirit is an overly perky ghost and also a psychic. Though normally 12, in this she's 23 years old. Died trying to save the mistress of the house, but in they end they both died (will be explained in story.) She keeps her waist-long blonde hair down and has sapphire-blue eyes. She can handle matter as if she were alive, and also phase through it. Finally, she has the strange power of controlling butterflies.

I'm gonna need reviewer help with this. One person can only think up so many riddles ya know. You may also get to come up with some sort of monster or evil torture device. I'll put specific criteria after the story. Ideas are greatly welcome!

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**The House from Hell**

**Chapter 1. Arriving**

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It was a dark stormy day. Birds weren't singing, the sun wasn't shining… well technically it was seeing as it was day, but it was also hidden by all the dark and evil storm clouds… and no one was having a good day. Anyway, lightning was flashing all around and the thunder was deafening. Several trees had already been felled. 

Chaos was everywhere, except for at one loan house sitting on a jagged plateau. The inhabitants were actually enjoying the storm. As soon as their travel weary guests arrived, the fun would begin.

"Spirit, how far away are the guests?" asked what appeared to be a cook. The cook was dressed in a shadow black kimono. It was perfect for sneaking around a dark house and playing tricks. A blood red apron was tied neatly around her waist; a matching chef hat perched over her left fox ear. Her long, dark brown ponytail and red-brown foxtail swayed from side to side as she turned to look at the one called Spirit, crimson-clawed hands resting on hips.

"Why don't you check for yourself, Nikki? You have psychic abilities too," answered Spirit in a high-pitched voice, crossing her arms over her chest and sticking her tongue out like a six-year old. She was wearing the outfit of a scullery-maid. Talk about wrong era, not to mention country. To add to the strangeness of this girl, she appeared not to be living. She was a ghost, and quite an odd one at that.

Nikki answered her quite snappily. "Because Spirit, I was going to go check on the 'pets,' and figured that you were keeping track of the visitors since you'd be the one to greet them when they arrived."

"Oh. Right. He, he, he," said Spirit. "I kinda forgot about that. Let's see…" Closing her eyes and focusing on the auras of the visitors, Spirit came up with the exact distances. "One group is five miles away at the base of the plateau. Another is seven point three miles away and approaching quickly. One is three and a half miles away, halfway up the plateau. The largest group is at the gates. Finally, the last is at…"

A deep chiming of bells was suddenly heard throughout the house. Their eerie noise was loud enough to be heard by the visitors at the bottom of the plateau.

"The last group is at the door," finished the young ghost thoughtfully.

"Good. Now don't just float there. Go answer the door. I'm going to make sure our 'pets' are doing fine. Can't have them feeling under the weather before all the guests arrive." With that, Nikki walked off into the shadows of the house while Spirit floated over to the large, oaken, front doors.

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"Kagome! H-how much l-longer t-till we get o-out of t-this rain?" asked a small kitsune, letting out a small sneeze. He was soaked to the bone and was trying to snuggle up to a girl with long raven hair and an odd looking outfit for warmth. 

"Not much longer Shippo. We just have to get through these gates and up the rest of the pathway. I'm sure the people who live here will let us in with such bad weather," answered the girl, hugging the fox child closer. "Inuyasha, haven't you gotten those gates opened yet?"

A half-demon with long silver hair and two cute little dog-ears glared at her. He was trying to pull open the large iron gates that led to the house, not having much luck. "The damn things won't budge!"

"May I suggest pushing them, Inuyasha?" inquired a young monk in purple robes. He was currently examining the hinges of the gates.

With a 'humph,' Inuyasha gave a strong push on the gates and they easily swung open, causing a loud clang. Not expecting them to open so easily, the dog demon fell forward into a mud puddle. The kitsune, along with the rest of the group started laughing.

"Maybe you shouldn't have pushed so hard," giggled a girl with a large boomerang on her back and a small kitten in her arms. Her companions all nodded their heads in agreement while Inuyasha let out a 'feh.'

"Shut-up, Sango!" He picked himself up off the ground, his red haori cover in brown mud. He began walking through the gates before turning to yell at the others. "Let's go already!"

Everyone else followed him, still giggling slightly.

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Sesshomaru stood at the front door, his mighty fluff not so fluffy anymore. His short, ugly, toad servant had pulled a long, thick string that caused the bells to chime. A small girl clung to his leg, shivering. 

The great oak doors slowly opened and a ghost in clothing weirder than Kagome's appeared. Sesshomaru eyed it carefully, pushing the small girl behind his leg, incase the ghost should attack.

The ghost began to speak in an Australian accent. "G'day mate. We've been expecting you. M' name's Spirit. Crikey! You're all wet! Allow me to show you to the parlor while we wait for the other guests to arrive."

"Sesshomaru-sama, what is that thing? Do you think it's safe to go in? How could she be expecting us? What other guests is she talking about? Why does she have such a funny accent?" piped the toad.

"Silence Jaken," replied the great demon lord. He took a step through the threshold and began following the ghost-girl. Jaken and the little girl were close behind him.

They traveled through a long corridor decorated with many different wall hangings and pictures. Suits of armor guarded the doorframes, and the large portrait of the late mistress had eyes that seemed to follow you.

"Right this way sir. Once everyone arrives, Nikki, the cook, will be around to find out what everyone wants for dinner. You can dry off in the parlor. The fire is very warm. If you need anything, just ask. Spirit chirped, dropping the Australian accent and returning to her normal voice. She turned into one of the doorways, the three visitors behind her.

They entered a large room with several odd pieces of furniture. There were three large blue couches and several reclining armchairs. A coffee table was in the center of the room with a magazine rack next to it. A tiger skinned rug was laid out in front of a fireplace that held a blazing fire. A large toy chest was located in the fat left corner. Several suits of armor were situated near the doorframes. Finally, Large heads of several demons and animals were hung on the walls.

"Sesshomaru-sama, why does everything look so funny?" asked the young girl.

Sesshomaru just gave her a look that said 'be polite.'

"Shut-up you stupid girl," croaked Jaken. "You should not question what you don't know."

"Jaken!" Sesshomaru glowered. "Be nice to Rin." He kicked Jaken to the floor before looking over at the young girl who had wandered over to the fireplace.

"If you think this is something, wait till you see the dining room. The furniture there is even more exquisite," voiced a voice from nowhere.

"I'll go fetch you some dry clothes! Rin can play with the toys in that chest over there if she likes," said Spirit as she floated up through the ceiling.

Sesshomaru stood watching Rin, his expression impassive. Rin was too busy watching the dancing flames to notice anything, but when she heard the word toys, she immediately ran to the chest. Jaken looked around nervously, unsure of whether the voice came from thin air, or one of the many doorframes.

"Over here genius!" the voice said again, a figure stepping out of the shadows. "Rule one in this house, always expect the unexpected. This house is full of surprises."

"B-back y-you demon you! Feel the wrath of my 'Staff of Heads'!" stammered Jaken, raising the two-headed staff. Fire burst out of one of the heads, engulfing the owner of the voice.

The voice person stood there, unscathed. It spoke again, this time deciding to clear a few things up. "First off, I'm only a third demon. The other two-thirds are fire elemental and psychic human, which lead me to the second thing. Fire cannot harm me. Finally, 'never' attempt to kill the one who will be 'feeding' you during your stay... otherwise, you might just end up being something on the menu. I'm Nikki, the cook… and as long as you're a guest in this house, disobeying 'me' will lead to 'sever' punishment."

As a demonstration of Nikki's powers, she pointed a finger at Jaken and flames suddenly erupted from underneath his feet. The once green toad slave was now a crispy black. Rin, who had decided to watch what was happening after Nikki had spoken for a second time, began giggling at Jaken's misfortune.

"So, who wants fried frogs' legs?" asked Nikki. This just made Rin laugh harder. Sesshomaru rolled his eyes and Jaken was muttering something about masters not helping their most loyal servants. Spirit had reappeared dropping off some dry clothing for the guests. Then, she and Nikki headed back towards the main entrance after telling everyone to 'stay put and relax.'

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"KOOOOUUGAAAAAA! WAAIT UUUUUP!" puffed a tired, wet and out of breathe wolf demon with a spiky hairdo. 

"Can't we slow down a bit? The ground is wet and slippery," said another, with a not so spiky hairdo. He too, was huffing and puffing.

A third wolf demon skidded to a stop and sprinted back to the other too. His long ponytail was dripping with rain. "Look guys, Kagome is real close. I can smell her, along with that stupid mutt."

They had just reached a large gate after traveling a good six miles from their last stop. Kouga figured that if they kept up that pace, they'd reach Kagome in no time. The gate was still open, blowing with the wind and clanging against its hinges every so often. Kouga sprinted off again.

"Here we go again Ginta," said the one with the Mohawk.

"Let's go Hakkaku. KOOOUUUUGAAAA! WAAAAITE!" They ran off again, following, and trying to keep up with, their leader.

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Kikyou was traveling up the side of the plateau, clutching her bow tightly. Her clay body was wet and battered. Her soul stealers were all around. _Come on body. Just hold out a bit longer. Just to the top of the plateau. Inuyasha should be there. Then, I'll take him to hell with me! That stupid Kagome won't know what hit her._

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Naraku had been walking up the plateau with Kagura and Kanna for a while now. Why he was walking, he didn't know. "Kagura, Kanna." 

"Yes master?" asked a small girl in white.

"What!?" shot an aggravated woman with feathers in her hair, obviously displeased with the man in the baboon suit.

"Why are we walking? Kagura, fly us over to that mansion at the top."

With a scowl, Kagura pulled one of the feathers from her hair, not bothering to ask any questions. It enlarged and the three boarded it, flying up into the sky and to the front doors of the house.

"Kagura, pull that cord," demanded Naraku.

"What? Why me? Why don't you have Kanna do it?" she grumbled, not happy with the current state of things.

""Shut-up and just do it."

Kagura pulled on the string after replacing the feather in her hair, all the while muttering. The eerie chimes once again played their music, signaling the arrival of more guests and sending shivers up their spines.

Spirit opened the door, using a southern/western accent this time. "Howdy pardner. Names Spirit. Foller me." She led the three newcomers the same way she had taken Sesshomaru, Rin, and Jaken. Nikki remained at the door incase anyone else showed up.

They walked into the parlor where Sesshomaru was currently sitting on one of the couches, browsing through the most recent issue of Martha Stewart Living. The outfit Spirit had given him was exactly the same as his original. Rin and Jaken were playing checkers by the fire, also in identical, dry outfits. Sesshomaru looked up, uttering only one word… "You."

Naraku just brushed him off and went to sit a recliner. Kagura took a seat next to the demon lord and picked up an issue of Entertainment Weekly. Kanna joined Rin and Jaken by the fire. Everyone pretty much ignored each other before Spirit broke the silence. "I'll go get our new guests some dry clothes!" She once again floated up through the ceiling.

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Inuyasha had just stepped onto the porch when he got a strong whiff of wolf. He turned around to see a tornado quickly approaching, with two guys following behind it. The tornado stopped abruptly in front of Kagome, but trampled the hanyou in the process. 

"Hello, 'my' women. What are you doing out in this weather with that mutt?" asked the man who had come out of the tornado. Inuyasha began to fume.

"She's NOT 'your' woman ya wimpy wolf!" shouted an angry and trample dog-hanyou.

"What's it to ya dog shit?" the wolf demon responded.

The other two wolves arrived on the porch and gave their greetings to Kagome while Inuyasha started a verbal argument. Of course, this was abruptly stopped when another presence made itself know. Inuyasha, turning his head, was the first to speak. "Ki-kikyou? What are you doing here?"

"Why I've come to take you to hell, Inuyasha. And to get out of this rain," replied the dead girl with a bitchy tone.

"Oh no you don't!" squeaked Kagome, dropping Shippo in the process. This caused the kit to grab onto a rope to keep from hitting the ground. Of course, that sounded the eerie doorbell once again, and since no one was expecting the sudden chime, they all jumped, hanyou and wolf included.

The large door creaked open, revealing a grumbling cook. "Why the hell am I doing that stupid ghost's job? She's the maid!" Looking up she noticed nine people and a little neko-kitten staring at her. "WHAT!?"

"Nothing!" they all mumbled.

"Good. Now then, welcome to 'MudPie Manor.' Now that you've all arrived, everyone's here. I don't know where the damn maid that usually does this is, so just follow me to the parlor. I'm sure everyone will be glad to see you," said the smirking cook. "By the way, I'm Nikki."

Nikki led the last of the guests into the house and through that same corridor that the others had traveled through. She had pushed her ears down to try and drown out the grumbling of everyone. It went along the lines this: "Shud up ya stupid wolf! She's 'not' your woman!" "YEAH RIGHT mutt-face!" Back off bitch! Inuyasha's 'mine'!" "You wish!" SLAP! "Damn hentai! Keep you're hands away from me!" "I am very sorry, Lady Sango. My hand is cursed." "They'll never learn." Sigh with head shake, sigh, and, oh yes… one more sigh.

They reached the parlor and everyone froze. Then, a bunch of comments, even stranger than the ones from before, were heard.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING HERE!" yelled a pointing hanyou.

"Why hello, 'little' brother," replied Sesshomaru. "You do know that it's rude to point."

"TOYS!" shouted a wide-eyed kitsune, running over to the chest.

"Shippo! Come back here!" said Kagome.

"Naraku," snarled Sango, her voice dripping with venom.

"Calm down Sango," said Miroku, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Kagura you bitch! I'm gonna kill you for what you did to my pack!" screamed Kouga.

Naraku and Kagura smirked while Hakkaku and Ginta stood there with their mouths hanging open in shock. Kikyou had on a boarded expression and Kirara just mewed in Sango's arms. Who'd a guessed that the house would be full of worst enemies?

"Well, looks like everyone knows each other," said Spirit, floating down from the ceiling with a bunch of dry clothes in her arms.

"AHH! Where'd you come from!" was Inuyasha's second remark.

"Where the hell have you been?" yelled Nikki to the ghost.

"Getting the rest of everyone's clothes," replied Sprit perkily while dropping respective outfits on the correct person's head. "Now then, if everyone's done commenting, those who are wet can go change. Then, Nikki will take you're dinner orders. If you've got any questions, just ask."

Nikki disappeared into the shadows to fetch some menus while Kagome raised her hand.

"Why is all of your furniture modern looking?" she asked.

Spirit giggled. "Why that's simple. Nikki can teleport between time and space. Our late mistress used to enjoy taking vacations to other time periods by using Nikki's abilities, and she always brought back furniture to furnish each of the rooms with. She also brought back different styles of clothing, hence my maid's outfit, Nikki's apron and hat, and the fact that we have a bunch of outfits that look like yours. Now go change. Nikki should be back in a few minutes."

Everyone changed and walked back into the parlor, taking random seats. Nikki reappeared out of the shadows with menus in hand. Her sudden appearance spooked everyone in the room.

"Gack! Don't 'do' that!" squeaked Jaken.

"Sorry," said Nikki, smirking. "NOT!" She laughed at poor Jaken's misfortune as she once again burnt him to a crisp. This made everyone laugh. "Now then. For dinner, I'll be serving turkey and lasagna. If anyone objects, pick something off of these menus. You get what you order, no questions asked. Got it? Good. Now order." After handing everyone a menu, she leaned against a doorframe, waiting for his or her orders. Spirit had disappeared to go check on the guest rooms, leaving the guests with the ever grouchy and temperamental cook. I'm not so sure that was a good idea…

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FRF:** There ya go folks! Chappie one! I'm soooo proud! The story itself was just under 3,000 words. Only needed 39 more, but didn't know what else to add, heh, heh, heh. This is sooooo much fun to write! 

**Nikki: **Easy for you to say! You're not in it!

**Spirit:** Come on Nikki. It's not that bad. You got to crisp Jaken. That had to be fun. And just wait till it's time to torture everyone.

**Nikki: **Shut up!

**FRF:** Just ignore them. Now then, about suggestions… I want monsters, riddles, torture devices, and evil traps. Ideas for Nikki's bad cooking are also welcome. These things can range from the most idiotic thing, to the goriest thing. Just nothing perverse please. Examples would be simple riddles such as, 'why did the chicken cross the road?', animals of the oddest creations or just something random such as a squirrel, or a device that rips Jaken's guts out. It can be as simple or complicated as you like, and not to fear, credit will be given where credit is due.

**Nikki:** Are you done yet?

**FRF:** Yep!

**Spirit:** I'm hungry!

**Nikki:** You're a ghost. Ghosts don't eat.

**FRF:** Anyway, now that you've read… you BETTER review! If you don't, I'll lock you in a room with some of the 'pets'. I like compliments, threats, ideas, and random things. You can tell me to hurry, but it won't do you any good. Unlike some people, I'd don't have an ego, so I won't be sitting here telling you how good or bad I think my story is. That's for you to decide… though I 'do' expect feedback. Most importantly, tell me if I make you laugh or not. To me, that's the most important thing.

**Nikki:** I thought you said you were done.

**FRF: **Never question the author. Besides, you should know by now that in these notes, anything can happen. I love randomness! Romance is good too. Sad to say that I'm on a drama recall, but oh well.

**Nikki:** Will you just shut up!

**FRF:** Humph.

**Spirit:** TTFN, ta, ta, for now! (Waves and smiles.)


	2. Fried Frogs Legs and Room Arrangements

**The House from Hell**

**Chapter 2: Fried Frogs Legs and Room Arrangements**

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**FRF:** Eeep! I've got to get more free time on my hands, or stop wasting the time I actually have.

**Nikki**: You're such a procrastinator.

**FRF**: So? Things come up… like midterms (shudders)… and track practice… and science league… and science Olympiad… and… and… other stuffs!

**Nikki**: Sure.

**FRF**: Instead of a cook, I'll turn you into monster snacks if you don't shut up!

**Nikki**: I won't have to deal with you if I'm in a monster's belly.

**FRF**: Humph!

**Spirit**: You see what I have to work with? Here're the reviewer responses!

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Lady Sango 7 – You have the honor of gracing me with my first review. Have a potato! RFR is VERY different from FRF! For instance, I am way much betterer than some show on "The N." I kinda dislike that channel. It plays nothing I like. Here's the hilarity!

N/A – Ooo, I like your name! Let me guess, it stands for… nifty aardvarks! Am I right? Let's see, idea 1 reminds me of Macbeth. Idea two is fantastic, except for the gate thing. Basement is too cliché, but sunflower garden works. Idea 3 I already had in mind, though I was thinking poodle skirts and saddle shoes. Idea 4 will drive Inuyasha nuts! Idea five sounds fun, but who are Linda Blair and Sally Struthers? If this is a comic horror, then who needs serious? The idea is to put the characters through hell, and yet cause the readers to laugh. Definitely random!

Mystical Demon – I wasn't planning on a lot of character description. Just the basics. And what I did put is necessary for some wacky nicknames. You can stop begging now.

xWhit3StaRx – Thank you. I can't remember which story was yours. Now I have to go check! Thank you again, and ditto. Why would I think of you as a stalker? The possibility of you living in the same country, state, county, town, and neighborhood is like a really big number to one.

sango – As much as I'd like to torture Kikyou to the point of her demise… I'm afraid I cannot. There might be Kikyou fans reading this, and I don't want to die young. That's why I figure it's okay to kill Jaken. Nobody really likes him.

AnimeDutchess – (Left hand on hip. Right hand pointing and shaking. Leaning slightly forward.) Watch your language young lady! Just kidding. Anyway, Jakalopes do NOT eat people! They're too cute to do that! Congrats on discovering one of my obsessions though. All the other ideas are wonderful!**

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**FRF:** There. Now the disclaimer. The only things I own are Nikki and Spirit. Even the plot's not fully mine cause I made y'all give me ideas!

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**Key:** "ramen" is speech

_ramen_ is thoughts

RAMEN is shouting

'ramen' is word emphasis

the line thingys is scene break

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The House form Hell

**Chapter 2: Fried Frogs Legs and Room Arrangements**

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_

_Last Time: "Sorry," said Nikki, smirking. "NOT!" She laughed at poor Jaken's misfortune as she once again burnt him to a crisp. This made everyone laugh. "Now then. For dinner, I'll be serving turkey and lasagna. If anyone objects, pick something off of these menus. You get what you order, no questions asked. Got it? Good. Now order." After handing everyone a menu, she leaned against a doorframe, waiting for his or her orders. Spirit had disappeared to go check on the guest rooms, leaving the guests with the ever grouchy and temperamental cook. I'm not so sure that was a good idea…_

* * *

Everyone looked at the menus that were rudely dropped into their laps. Occasionally, someone would turn his or her menu the wrong way, trying to read it. Finally, Hakkaku spoke up. "What's a menu?" 

Nikki glared. "It's a book thingy that tells you what your choices are for food. You have to read it in order to use it."

"Okay."

Then, Naraku spoke up. "How do you read?" This caused everyone who opposed Naraku to face-fault. Nikki stared, wide-eye, at everyone.

"Y-you know h-how to s-set stupid t-traps and y-yet you c-can't read? WHAT KIND OF VILLIAN ARE YOU!" Nikki decided to take her frustration out on Jaken, and the ugly, green, toad, thing was once again torched.

Everyone was dead quiet. No one dared move. The flame Nikki used on Jaken burnt half the room and Kikyou's hair was singed, not to mention she had started melting from the heat. Clay bodies just don't cut it when you're dealing with angry fire demons.

When crickets started chirping, Nikki decided to speak again. "Turkey and lasagna it is, then." All of the menus that everyone was holding suddenly blew up, and Inuyasha's pretty silver hair was now a charcoal black.

"Feh! Damn it wench! What the hell did you do to my hair?"

"Awe, does the little, doggy-woggy not like his new hair color? It washes right out. See?" Nikki grabbed a fire hose from someplace and aimed it at Inuyasha. She released the handle and Inuyasha got squirted with a few tons of water. "There, all better?"

"GOD DAMN IT WENCH! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" shouted Inuyasha as he charged. Nikki sidestepped him and held out a frying pan, which Inuyasha crashed into head on, causing the poor hanyou to fall unconscious.

"Great! Now I'm gonna need a new frying pan! Here Mohawk boy! Knock yourself out!" Nikki threw the freshly dented pan at Hakkaku, hit him in the head, added another dent to it, and knocked out the wolf demon. "Oops." She disappeared through one of the doors before anything more could be said.

* * *

Sesshomaru had gone back to looking at his Martha Stewart magazine. Rin and Shippo were happily playing with some building blocks. Kouga was flirting with Kagome, seeing as Inuyasha was out cold, as was Hakkaku. Ginta had found a deck of cards and a book that said 'Card Games for Dummies.' He was now wrapped up in a rigorous game of 'Go Fish' with Miroku, Naraku, and Kikyou, who had remolded her melting body. Kagura had finished her magazine and was idly filing her nails. Kanna was staring into the flames, seemingly mesmerized. No one noticed when she walked into the fireplace and disappeared. Sango was brushing Kirara, who slept lazily in Sango's lap. As for Jaken, let's just say that all the screaming coming from one of the rooms was his.

* * *

Kanna found herself in an odd room. It was completely empty, except for a very large grandfather clock. There were no doors or windows, just Kanna and the clock. 

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"……………………………"

Fascinating conversation, really. But what do you expect from a clock and an almost completely mute?

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"………………………"

We'll check up on them later.

* * *

Spirit was floating down one of the upper halls, occasionally floating through a door to make sure everything was set. A checklist and pen were floating in front of her, the pen checking things off as they passed rooms marked with odd signs. Spirit was mumbling to herself, trying to memorize who would be in what room. So far, she had everyone placed but one. And she couldn't remember who that one was. _Oh well. I hope it's no one important._

* * *

Nikki was in the kitchen, chopping something up. Her already blood-red apron was becoming even redder. No one would ever know that it was white when she got it. 

Jaken was cowering behind her, screaming his head off. He had accidentally wondered into the kitchen and was met with the bloody site of Nikki and the…err, what used to be a turkey. Nikki had decided to put him to work as an onion peeler, and every time he cut himself or was sprayed with a fresh batch of blood, he would let out a scream. Between screams there was a lot of crying, and Nikki was just about ready to cut Jaken up, seeing as the turkeys weren't working out.

"Jaken, come here," said Nikki with a dangerous gleam in her eyes.

"Y-y-yes ma'am."

"Good little froggy, NOW DIE!" Nikki snatched up the ugliest thing in the kitchen and dropped it on the bloody chopping board. "Since you wouldn't shut up, I've decided there's gonna be a change in the menu."

**

* * *

WARNING! IF YOU DON'T WABT TO READ HOW JAKEN GOT COOKED, I SUGGEST YOU SKIP TO THE NEXT LINE THING! I NEEDED A NICE GORY SCENE, AND A LITTLE BLOOD NEVER HURT ANYONE. **

Nikki pulled out some living dead hairpins and pinned Jaken to the cutting board. The hairpins kept singing the alphabet backwards, and every so often, one would sing a high-pitched note, causing the frog to go deaf. She selected a large, shiny, currently blood-free knife from the knife holder. Carefully drawing a thin line across Jaken's neck, she raised the knife above her, preparing to swing. Jaken let out a bloodcurdling scream as Nikki's arm came down swiftly, the knife cleanly slicing at the line. Jaken's head rolled onto the floor as blood dripped from his body into a glass pitcher."There, we now have punch. Time for the entrée," Nikki smiled wickedly. For being pissed off a few moments ago, she was really enjoying herself.

Nikki picked up the pitcher and Jaken's head and put them on a counter. Then, she returned to the body and picked up the newly bloody knife. Nikki easily dismembered Jaken's body, cleanly slicing the limbs. She then removed all of Jaken's organs and placed them next to the body. Throwing the knife into the sink, she pulled out a bowl and cracked some eggs. She mixed the yokes and piled some breadcrumbs on a tray. Then, she proceeded to dip each bloody organ and appendage into the egg and crumb batter. After everything was breaded, Nikki took the pieces and put them into an automatic fryer. She set the timer and prepared to fix up the head.

"So Jaken, feeling light headed?" Nikki laughed. The toad didn't think she was very funny.

"What have you done to me?" croaked the dismembered head.

"Magic knife. Keeps appendages alive until cooked. Now, to fix you up nice and put you in box for Sesshomaru." Nikki picked up Jaken's head and scorched the neck to keep it from bleeding. She then placed the head on a badge-shaped piece of wood. She grabbed a drill gun from one of the doors and proceeded to mount Jaken's head to the wood by drilling screws through the skin of his neck.

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OOWWWWW! THAT HURTS! STOP IT!"

"Almost done… and, there! Now we just put it in a box, wrap it, and say it's from Inuyasha." Nikki did just that. Then the timer dinged and Nikki proceeded to finish cooking the meal.

**END SOMEWHAT BLOODY SCENE!**

* * *

A bloodcurdling scream was heard from down the hall, followed by a few yelps. Everyone that was conscience looked for the source of the sound, except for Sesshomaru who remained pokerfaced. 

"W-what was that?" stammered Kagome.

"The sweet sound of someone dying," was Naraku's enlightening response. He had a wicked grin on his face at the thought of killing something.

"Don't worry Kagome. I'll protect you," said Kouga. "No one's gonna hurt 'my woman'"

Inuyasha's ears twitched when he heard the words 'my woman.' Suddenly, he sprang up from his unconscious position on the floor and lunged at Kouga, tipping one of the recliners in the process. It just happened to be the chair that Hakkaku's unconscious form was on. Hakkaku went flying and crashed into Kikyou, who grabbed Sesshomaru's mighty fluff. The fluff pulled Sesshomaru down and the couch launched Kagura into a series of summersaults. She collided with Kouga who whacked Naraku. Naraku stumbled back into Ginta, who, in turn, knocked Miroku down and right on top of Sango, causing an accidental kiss. Kagome stood in the middle of all the knocked down, tumbled, and flung people, looking very confused. Shippo and Rin were laughing like hyenas and Kirara didn't dare to come out from her hiding place under one of the blue sofas. Now let's decipher what everyone said in the few minutes of chaos that followed Jaken's demise! (Insert evil laugh here.)

Inuyasha: GRR! STUPID CHAIR! WHO THE HELL PUTS A CHAIR IN THE MIDDLE OF A ROOM? (Not too bright is he. Where else do you put chairs?)

Hakkaku: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Kikyou: OUCH!

Sesshomaru: Ooof!

Kagura: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Kouga: Hey! Watch it!

Naraku: Stupid wolf! DIE! (Lunges at Kouga.)

Ginta: EEK!

Miroku: (Wide-eyed) _Please don't kill me! Please don't kill me! Please don't…hey…this is kinda nice._

Sango: (Blink, blink. Blink, blink. Blink, blink.) (Blush! We're speaking of a very deep red blush that could rival the color of Nikki's apron.) (I think she's speechless.)

Kagome: Uh, what just happened?

Shippo and Rin: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kirara: (Still hiding.) Mew.

Okay, did ya get all that? No? Well too bad, because Spirit decided to walk in just then.

"Whoa! What happened here?" she asked. Of course she had used her psychic abilities to keep tabs on everyone, but she wanted to see if she could get a straight answer.

Kagome, being the only one not fuming, embarrassed, unconscious, giggling like mad, or fighting a chair (cough) Inuyasha (cough), decided to answer. "Well you see…Inuyasha woke up when he heard Kouga call me 'his women' (insert finger quotes for emphasis), and sprung into an attack. He knocked over the chair Hakkaku was in, causing a chain reaction that ended with everyone sprawled on the floor and Sango and Miroku locked in a kiss. Shippo and Rin still haven't stopped laughing, and Kirara is under on of the couches. I think that covers everything!"

Spirit just stared. Five minutes passed. Spirit was still staring. Everyone had gotten him or herself upright and Sango was pointedly ignoring everyone. Spirit just kept on staring.

* * *

**With Kanna…**

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"……………………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………………………………"

This has to be the most interesting conversation I've ever had the pleasure to listen too.

* * *

**With everybody else…**

Spirit was staring and everybody was ignoring her. She just kept staring and wouldn't stop. It was kind of rude really. And I'm pretty sure she hasn't blinked for about twenty-three minutes.

Nikki suddenly snapped Spirit out of her staring when she walked right through the ghost carrying a huge silver platter. "So…who wants fried frogs legs?" she asked, a little too perkily. And why hadn't anyone noticed the disappearance of Jaken and Kanna?

"I thought we were having turkey and lasagna," said Shippo a little disappointed. He had now clue what they were, but it sure sounded better than fried frogs legs.

"You were, but there was a change in the menu. The turkeys weren't agreeing with me. And then that damned toad wandered into my kitchen. So I decided fried frogs legs was a much better meal. Which reminds me. Hey Fluffy! I found this on to floor. It's says to the brain-dead bone-digger from dog breath, or something along those lines." She chucked the box with Jaken's head at Sesshomaru, who almost avoided getting hit in the head with it if it wasn't for the fact that Nikki made it follow his movements, whacking him right between the eyes. Sesshomaru just stared at it. He stared, and he stared, and he stared. What is it with people and staring? Suddenly, he stopped staring at the box and threw it at Inuyasha.

"Here little brother. You keep it."

Inuyasha caught the box with ease, but instead of opening it, he chucked it at Kouga. "Here wolf, you keep it."

Kouga glanced at it and then handed it to Kagome. "For you Kagome."

"Here Sango! Merry Christmas."

If Kagome was that willing to pass along the box, the contents must have been fearful. Sango saw this as a perfect opportunity to get back at Miroku for that kiss. "Happy birthday Miroku!" She threw the box at Miroku.

"It's not my birthday. Head's up Naraku!" And once again the box was passed.

Naraku just threw the box over his shoulder, not caring where it landed. It sailed right through Spirit and landed on the floor. The impact caused the lid to fall off and Jaken's head rolled onto the floor. Spirit screamed, "AHH! A HEAD! A HEAD!" She started floating around the room passing through random items. Everyone just starred at her like she was nuts. Gee, people really like to stare, don't they? Then, Jaken's head spoke.

"HEY! ISN'T SOMEBODY GOING TO PICK ME UP! I'M STILL ALIVE YOU KNOW!" This made Spirit scream some more ,and then she disappeared through a wall.

Sesshomaru walked over to Jaken's head and unsheathed his tenseiga. The sword worked its magic, and all of the little fried pieces that were on Nikki's platter uncrisped themselves and flew over to the head. Jaken was reborn, and Nikki's somewhat perky mood was now gone.

"Damn it! And after all that work to cook that stupid thing! My already bad dinner is ruined and the most annoying thing ever created lives again! It's not fair! First I'm forced to become a cook. Then I have to put up with all you people in one house! And now, things don't stay dead when I kill them! What is the world coming too?" Nikki finished her little episode and Spirit came flying through the room, still in a crazed frenzy. A kookoo clock sounded and everything froze.

* * *

**Back with Kanna…**

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"……………………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"………………………"

Uh huh, yep. Pretty self-explanatory.

* * *

**E****verybody Else, again…**

Anyway, as I was saying… A kookoo clock chimed and everyone froze. There was dead silence. Even the crickets weren't chirping. Spirit was the first to speak. "Bedtime everybody! Follow me and I'll show you to your rooms!"

Everyone followed the ghost girl to a very large staircase, whether they wanted to or not. Nikki had picked up a fire poker and was herding them to the staircase, laughing like crazy the whole time. Twenty some odd years in an old mansion with a very perky ghost for your only companion will drive you nuts.

As they started the journey up the giant staircase, they head what sounded like people talking from below. "W-w-what's that?" squeaked Rin.

"Oh, that's just the people who live in the staircase," replied Spirit. "Just ignore them. They'll be quite once we reach the top."

And so they climbed, and they climbed, and they climbed, and they climbed till they couldn't climb no more. And then Nikki and Spirit began to randomly shove people into rooms, or so it appeared to the people being shoved. They actually had everything planned out in such a way that the most chaos would be caused.

These were the results of their actions:

Kagome and Kikyou were shoved into one room.

Sesshomaru and Inuyasha in another.

Miroku and Sango got a room to themselves.

Shippo, Rin, and Kirara were pushed through a brightly colored door.

Poor Kouga had to share a room with the ugliest frog in the world.

Ginta and Hakkaku were stuck in a very, very small room.

Kagura, being as special as she was, got a whole room to herself.

And finally, Naraku was stuck in a hen house, with lots o' chickens to keep him company!

Now then…if you want to see the results of these rooming arrangements, you'll have to read the next chapter, but for now, let's check up on Kanna one last time.

* * *

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick." 

"……………………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………………………………"

**

* * *

FRF:** Yeash! It's finally done! All fourteen pages of it, including notes! I think it'll do. I couldn't resist that little kiss. I know at least one of you is a major San/Mir fan. And chain reactions are fun! As for the Kanna thing, I thought it was funny. She and the clock had quite an interesting conversation didn't they? 

**Nikki:** What the hell have you done to me? I've gone insane!

**FRF:** All in good fun. Besides, you needed to stop being so grumpy all the time. It's not good for your health.

**Spirit:** While they argue, REVIEW! And send some room ideas! The next chappie will be on the shorter side, but it's all about the rooming arrangements. Lots o' chaos to come!

**FRF: **And special thanks to AnimeDutchess for the hairpin thing and N/A for the staircase people thingy. Keep sending ideas and they'll be placed where I see fit. So, an idea submitted in chappie 1 might not be used till chappie 3 or chappie 7, so on and so forth. So if I didn't use something this chappie, it will probably appear sometime in the future. REVIEW!


	3. G'Night, Sleep Tight, No Bedbug Bites

**The House from Hell**  
**Chapter 3: Good Night, Sleep Tight, Don't Let the Bedbugs Bite**

**

* * *

FRF:** This is way over due! I'm soo sorry! I have no pathetic excuse for myself except for the fact that life keeps getting in the way, writing is just a hobby, I'm to dang lazy for my own good, and my internet kinda crashed! That's why this is soo late! 

**Nikki:** All in favor of joining me in a revolt against FRF raise your hand!

**Spirit:** Nikki, you need to learn to lighten up!

**Nikki:** (Sticks out tongue and grabs a pitchfork.)

**FRF:** Okay. I think I'll go to the reviewer responses now.

**Spirit:** Don't forget the disclaimer!

**Nikki:** Anyone want to add Spirit to the target list?

**FRF:** Shut it Nikki! I don't own Inuyasha cause I'm allergic to dogs! It's a sad truth, ain't it?

**

* * *

Reviewer Responses! **

Lady Sango 7 – You leave some of the randomest comments in your reviews. I have no clue about Good Charlotte because I'm not a fan of theirs. Please don't kill me! Of course it's long. It's comedy! I know it wasn't that gory. I was just trying to trick people. It was an unnecessary scene anyway and I don't think everyone wants to red about fried organs. You should love this! And you think I'm hilarious! Thanky, thanky! As for Sango and Miroku, your suggestion kinda scared me at first by the way it was written, but I think you'll like what I've done. (Hides handcuffs behind back.) Enjoy!

Abe No Seimei – Ooo, I love your reviews! You always have such wonderful suggestions! I have a great idea involving Linda, Sally, and Kagura! There's more than one bathroom, but Ernie's still useable. I'll look moogles up later. I think I can put Las Vegas in the back yard. How hard is it to move a city? I don't do crossovers. I just can't stand them! Nice riddle. (Gasp!) Bonnie Tyler song! Kagura singing it! I LOVE IT! Got any more inanimate objects Kanna can talk to, possibly that rhyme with rock and clock? Baboons good, but first he has to survive the chickens. Clowns (shudders) are only allowed if they're to be killed off. I'll see what I can do. Enjoy!

Adora Bell Dearheart – I know! I just love their conversation! And thanks to Abe, a rock shall be joining! Here's that next chappie I made you wait for!

AnimeDutchess – Yes I did, yes I did, yes I did, I know I am, and you should be! Make sense of that! Mmm, Lucky Charms! Such a wonderful idea! And Kanna and the clock are good friends! Plus, they now get to meet rock! Maybe I should send them to the docks! Just kidding. I've got a lot in store for those chickens! And Jaken will die in pretty much every chappie. I should rock! Now enjoy!

obesesed-fangirl-mimi – Took me long enough, didn't it? I have update issues. And there shall be lots and lots of chain reactions throughout this story! The riddles are for when I decide to make Inuyasha wander into the Hall of Riddles. Maybe next chappie I'll send him there. Enjoy!

ladysango-abc – Hiya! Kanna and the clock are awesome. I am actually friends with a Kikyou fan. I honestly don't get why anybody likes her either. You'll just have to settle for Jaken's multiple deaths. And I think this update took even longer than the last one, heh, heh. To make up for it, there's a nice piece of San/Mir fluff! Enjoy!

dead - Nice name. And of course it's cool! Kanna talks to a clock for god's sake! And can't forget the Jaken bashing! Enjoy!

**

* * *

FRF: **There, done. 

**Nikki:** You are a very conceited person.

**FRF:** I know. But it's good to think positive! Enjoy the hilarity everybody!

Key: "ramen" is speech

_ramen_ is thoughts

RAMEN is shouting

'ramen' is word emphasis

the line thingys is scene break

The House from Hell **

* * *

**

Chapter 3: Good Night, Sleep Tight, Don't Let the Bedbugs Bite

_

* * *

Last time: Kanna made friends with a clock. Kagome and Kikyou are sharing a room. Sesshomaru and Inuyasha share another. Miroku and Sango got a room to themselves. Shippo, Rin, and Kirara get a room together. Poor Kouga had to share a room with the ugliest frog in the world. Ginta and Hakkaku were stuck in a very, very small room. Kagura got a whole room to herself. And finally, Naraku was stuck in a hen house, with lots o' chickens to keep him company! And here are the results of this madness! _**

* * *

With Kanna **

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"……………………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

Suddenly, something fell through the ceiling and landed with a thump to the left of the clock. Kanna stared at it for a few minutes. It was a rock about the size of Shippo.

(Blink, blink.) "…………………"

Rock: "……………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………………………………"

Rock: "…………………..."

Oh look! A new friend! Now we have Kanna, a rock, and a clock! This conversation is really getting interesting!

**

* * *

With Kagome and Kikyou **

Kagome and Kikyou landed sprawled across the floor of a strange room. That shove they had received was harder than either of them expected. Kikyou was the first to get up, seeing as she had fallen across Kagome. The two looked around the room before making any sudden movements. There were two twin sized beds in the room that were covered in moth bitten sheets. The wooden frames had been infested with termites and both beds looked as if they were about to collapse. Sitting on a rotten table was a tray filled with two bowels of slop. It was expected to be their dinner, seeing as no one had actually been served anything downstairs. There was one lone window in the room and it had jail bars over it, not to mention the glass was soo dirty that a wind scar couldn't slash through it. Putting it bluntly, our futuristic school girl and dead miko were stuck in a room worse than a prison cell. Hell, a grave would be nicer than that room!

Kagome walked over to the table and inspected the bowels. "Do they expect us to eat this?" she question the stoic woman who was attempting to knock the door down.

"I don't eat," was Kikyou's emotionless expression. She heaved against the door again, letting out a cry of frustration. "This is just great! I'm stuck in a terrible room with a bitch who's trying to steal 'my' Inuyasha and I can't get! That maid and cook will pay for this!" she seethed.

Kagome looked nervously at Kikyou. The dead woman was beginning to scare her. She began praying to Kami that she would be able to escape this experience alive. While doing so, she picked up a slop bowel and sat down on one of the beds. She cautiously brought a spoonful up to her mouth and choked it out before passing out! It tasted absolutely horrible and Kikyou suspected she wouldn't wake up until morning.

Kikyou gave up on trying to break down the door and settled for babbling to herself manically instead. She lay down on the other bed and chatted herself into a deep sleep.

**

* * *

Inuyasha and Sesshomaru **

Sesshomaru found himself with Inuyasha's butt in his face as he tried to recover from the shove. He stood up, causing Inuyasha to hit the floor with an umph.

"What the hell was that for!" the younger of the two brothers shouted.

"Shut up little brother," came the reply. "I'm just as unhappy about this as you are," growled Sesshomaru.

The two brothers found themselves in a very pink room. Pink walls, pink curtains, a pink king sized bed. Even the pile of cooked ramen in the corner was pink. Inuyasha sniffed the air and immediately ran to the ramen, ignoring its coloring. That's when he happened to notice what Sesshomaru was wearing. He spit out the mouthful of noodles he had just taken and began rolling on the floor, laughing like a maniac.

"H-hey Sess!" he giggled out. "N-nice skirt!"

He kept rolling until he whacked his head on the side of the bed. Sesshomaru held a skeptic look, not knowing what Inuyasha was talking about, yet trying to keep the giggles he felt surfacing from escaping his lips. His idiot brother was wearing a fancy, hot pink, very short dress, and didn't even notice! Slightly worried at what Inuyasha was laughing about though, the great demon lord glanced down at his own attire. He was wearing a pink poodle skirt, a pink and black striped polo shirt, and pink saddle shoes. He looked like he had just jumped out of some movie set in the 50's! Lord Fluffy let out a scream girlier than Kagome's!

"GAH! WHAT THE HELL AM I WEARING?" No one had ever thought they'd see the great demon act like this. "SHUT UP INUYASHA! IT'S NOT FUNNY! WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING?"

Inuyasha took his suggestion, stood up, and looked down at his cloths. His face immediately paled and he let out a stream of expletives that are better left unmentioned. Doing a quick turn around, the dress's skirt flew up, leaving Sesshomaru with a view that turned him green. Why did that damned hanyou have to go commando? Didn't his mother teach him to wear underwear? The two siblings shortly passed out from the terrible shock after that. They both landed on the pink king sized bed and would awake to an interesting scene in the morning.

**

* * *

Back with Kanna, the clock, and now the rock. **

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"………………………………"

Rock: "……………………………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………………………"

Rock: "…………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………………………………"

Rock: "…………………..."

It's soo beautiful! Sniff. That rock has some wonderful poetry. And clock's song! And we can't forget Kanna's wonderful storytelling abilities!

**

* * *

Sango and Miroku (Major fluff alert!) **

Sango and Miroku found themselves sharing a candlelit room together. The first thing Sango noticed was a strange feeling on her wrist. Looking down, she saw an odd metal bracelet on her wrist that was connected to a chain. Her gaze followed the chain to a matching bracelet around another wrist…Miroku's wrist. Her eyes widened at the realization. They were handcuffed together! _Not good, not good, not good!_ She thought, tugging at her wrist. All that succeeded in was pulling Miroku closer to her, face to face in fact. Her face flustered as her eyes widened more.

_I could get used to this_, thought Miroku, gazing at the beautiful young women attached to his wrist. He could see the fear in her eyes, and he thought he'd try and calm her down. Seeing as she had pulled him so close, he leaned down and gently kissed her.

If possible, Sango's eyes widened some more as Miroku kissed her. She pulled away and slapped him with her free hand. "What the hell are you doing houshi-sama?" She attempted to step away from him, forgetting that they were cuffed together.

"I was trying to calm you down. And what's wrong? You kissed me earlier," he replied, rubbing his sore cheek. His little plan had backfired. Instead of calming the taijiya, he just enraged her, though he did find her cute when she was angry. And even if she had pulled away, he had still gotten to kiss her again.

"That was an accident!" she hissed. "It's not like I chose to kiss you." She dragged him towards the king sized bed and sat down.

Miroku seemed to sadden at her response, but quickly tried to put his no worries mask back up. Sango's eyes were quicker though, and she caught the small shift in his emotions. This made her eyes widen again, and her temper ebbed away a bit. Miroku looked at her with questioning eyes and the two ended up in a romantic trance. Loosing all sense of self, Sango leaned up and kissed him, shocking both her and the monk. Miroku eagerly responded and deepened the kiss, their argument forgotten.

Breaking apart, Miroku stared at the girl sitting next to him in amazement. He had never expected something like that from her.

"What?" she asked, blushing prettily under Miroku's gaze.

"I love you," he whispered, shocking her yet again. It was soo soft and sweet, Sango knew it had to be true. She blinked a few times before nervously responding, "I…I…I…I love you, too."

Miroku was ecstatic, and with that, he pulled her into another breathtaking kiss. When that one ended, Sango spoke. "Let's not tell the others about this."

"Good idea," he responded. "We don't want to turn out like Inuyasha and Kikyou did."

"Actually, I was thinking that Kagome wouldn't let us hear the end of it. She's been trying to set us up since the first time you groped me."

"Heh, heh…true. Now let's not let this fine candlelit dinner go to waste. Shall we?" He dragged her over to a small table with two silver trays on it, and they enjoyed a lovely candlelit dinner, as well any a pair of people could enjoy a meal while handcuffed, that is.

**

* * *

Shippo, Rin, and Kirara **

Now then, through the brightly colored door was a brightly colored room, and Shippo and Rin smiled brightly as they bounced up and down on the rubbery floor. They stared at the many colors and all the different items to play with. There were toys from every century imaginable, crayons in every color known to man, and some know to all those inhuman beings, candy of every single kind… chocolate, caramel, chewy, creamy, crunchy, sweet, sour, slimy, suckable, little drops of heaven. To put things simply, the room was every child's dream.

Kirara, on the other hand, was not too thrilled, and her face did not shine so brightly. The repeated bouncing was not very good for the small kitty demon. The endless games of pounce the kitty, I mean tag, with Shippo were one thing, but this endless bouncing was a whole other story. Her countless hisses were proof of that. Lucky enough for everyone's favorite kitty, she went sailing right through a child proof wall and into a kitty paradise.

Rin and Shippo continued to bounce and bounce and bounce. While bouncing, they grabbed multiple crayons and several tons of the infinite candy and prepared themselves for the sugar rush of the century. These two little munchkins were planning on raising hell tomorrow, and our poor, unsuspecting favorite characters were not suspecting a thing.

**

* * *

Back at Kanna's **

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"………………………………"

Rock: "……………………………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………………………"

Rock: "…………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………………………………"

Rock: "…………………..."

Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm, I see. This is a very interesting philosophical debate! Why, they've given me a whole knew perspective on life! It amazes me at how deep these conversations can get.

**

* * *

Kouga and It **

The obsessive, possessive, skirt wearing wolf prince found himself locked in a room with a crime against nature. For those of you who's brains have decided to take a vacation, like mine sometimes does, that means that Kouga and Jaken were stuck in a room together. Now when I say stuck, I mean stuck.

Jaken had thrown himself against the door in an attempt to reach his beloved Sesshomaru. That, unfortunately, had triggered the super stick of the super stick room. The hideous frog thing was now stuck to the door, and every time it randomly swung open, tempting Kouga with freedom, the thing would be smashed between the door it was stuck to and the super sticky wall that would painfully rip a layer of skin form the frog every time the door closed again.

Painful as it was for the pickle looking frog, the wolf prince found it amusing to watch. All he needed was a batch of popcorn and a tape of every single time Inuyasha had been sat by Kagome and he'd be set. He was already stuck to the waterbed that was placed in the room, after all.

Out in the hall, random passersby would occasionally hear screams of pain, shortly followed by hysterical laughter. They all just ignored it though, figuring their crazy hosts had trapped a few more unfortunate idiots. How right they were.

**

* * *

Ginta and Hakkaku **

Mohawk boy and cue ball found themselves in an extremely small room. So small in fact, that neither of them could move.

"Eh, hey Hakkaku? Can you move at all?" asked Ginta.

"No. What about you Ginta?" replied Hakkaku.

"Nope."

Now, the position these two were stuck in wasn't very comfortable. In fact, it was anything but. Hakkaku's Mohawk was shoved up Ginta's nose. Ginta's hand was sprawled out on Hakkaku's face. Both sets of legs were braced against the ceiling. And the rest of their bodies were twisted in ways only double-jointed people could muster.

Cramped?

Yes.

Uncomfortable?

Yes.

Wishing their leader had never dragged them to this ungrateful place?

Most definitely!

**

* * *

Rock, Clock, and Kanna **

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"………………………………"

Rock: "……………………………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………………………"

Rock: "…………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………………………………"

Rock: "…………………..."

God damn it! Now they're talking about politics! Maybe I should throw some lawyers in that room.

**

* * *

Kagura **

Kagura looked around the huge suite she had been shoved into. It was something along the lines of a penthouse suite. She noticed a fancy looking door and decided to see where it led to.

Walking through the door, she met an interesting site. Sally Struthers and Linda Blair were staring at a toilet. They looked up to greet Kagura.

"Kagura."

"Sally."

"Kagura."

"Linda. What are you two looking at?"

"The toilette," replied Sally.

Kagura took a step forward and too gazed at the porcelain toilette situated in the bathroom. Just as Sally and Linda were doing, Kagura joined them in starring at the toilette. And, they had good reason to, too!

Inside the toilette was the ghost of a little old man with a grin much more perverse than Miroku could ever hope to get his. He starred up at the three beings, before speaking.

"'Ello, ladies. Come to join me? Name's Ernie. Ernie L. Cake. Well now, come on, come on, sit down. Don't mind me I'm just swimming in a toilette. So, eh, whatta your names? Hee hee, come on, you can tell ol'Ernie."

And with that, Kagura, Sally Struthers, and Linda Blair continued to stare into the toilette, as quiet and motionless as Kanna's friend rock.

**

* * *

Naraku and the Chickens **

Naraku looked around at all of the chickens. There were a lot of them. He looked left and right, up and down, every which way. And, no matter which way he turned, there were always chickens.

A rather large chicken stepped down from its roost and looked Naraku up and down. Then, it did something amazing, well, amazing for a chicken anyway. It spoke.

""Begock! Lookie what we gots here! Bock! A scrawny little flesh bag. Cluck!"

"Who do you dare call scrawny!" replied Naraku. "I am Naraku, greatest demon to ever live! Now, you will do what I say, chicken!"

"Bull shit! Begock! I am the Great Chicken. Destined to rule the world and wipe all nonchickens from existence! Bock, bock, bock!"

"So you say, chicken. But when I'm through with you, I'll be the one calling the shots. Ultimate power shall be mine!"

"Cluck! Shut up weakling!" The Great Chicken pecked Naraku viciously. "Don't you dare defy me, begock, ever!"

Clucks of agreement were given by the rest of the chickens as Naraku began to form a plan in his head.

"Oh Great Chicken, I offer you my humblest apologies. But, what if we worked together? Then, you can rule the world, and I can achieve ultimate power! I know exactly who we can wipe out first."

"Ooo, cluck! I like the sound of that! Begock! Elaborate! Bock!

And so Naraku and the Great Chicken began plotting devious plots of downfall.

**

* * *

To wrap things up, let's check on Kanna! **

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"………………………………"

Rock: "……………………………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………………………"

Rock: "…………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………………………………"

Rock: "…………………..."

Weren't those such nice words of wisdom to end the chapter with?

**

* * *

FRF:** There. This chapter only took me a few months to write due to lack of inspiration and other things. Sorry it's not that funny, but deal with it. If it's any consolation, there was some San/Mir fluff that will turn hilarious later on in the fic. 

**Nikki:** (Standing in attack stance.) Charge! (Is suddenly floated in the air.)

**Spirit:** Give it a rest Nikki! You'll never win! (Big smile.)

**FRF:** And that, ladies and gentleman, is the product of my ever imaginative mind! Now leave a nice review and give me suggestions for what type of talents everyone shall have. I'm thinking of forcing them into a spooky basement talent show whit interesting results. I already have something for Kagura, Sango, and Kouga. I need something for everyone else though.

**Nikki: **(Forcedly.) Thanks to Abe no Seimei for everything that happened to Kagura!

**Spirit:** Good Nikki. Now Review! TTFN, ta, ta, for now!


End file.
